I woke up early today, thought I’d never be able to fall asleep again. I did, eventually, but ended up sleeping longer than I should have. I woke up to realize I wasn’t gonna make training anyway since I had no money.
I’m always bloody missing training. Between illness, injury, and transport I’ve probably become a thorn in the leagues side. I can’t help thinking they hate me and think I’m useless. Its understandable. I am insanely unfit.
What bugs me is, they’re like a family. I feel like a house mouse living with them – unseen, yet unwanted. Maybe it’s just my stupid anxiety working overdrive… Usually in situations like this I run away from the people involved, but I really like Roller Derby and have no intention of quitting. It feels like I’ll be an outsider in everything I do. Ugh, I’m way too depressed today. I just want to go cry my eyes out, but Shane will think I’m weird.
My pelvis hurts too. Well, there or my lower back, I can’t tell the difference. Hopefully its Whole30 related, and not woman related. I’ve an insane urge to binge today because of anger and anxiety. Its a miracle I haven’t actually…