Whole30, Day 6: Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety – and pelvic pain

I woke up early today, thought I’d never be able to fall asleep again. I did, eventually, but ended up sleeping longer than I should have. I woke up to realize I wasn’t gonna make training anyway since I had no money.

I’m always bloody missing training. Between illness, injury, and transport I’ve probably become a thorn in the leagues side. I can’t help thinking they hate me and think I’m useless. Its understandable. I am insanely unfit.

What bugs me is, they’re like a family. I feel like a house mouse living with them – unseen, yet unwanted. Maybe it’s just my stupid anxiety working overdrive… Usually in situations like this I run away from the people involved, but I really like Roller Derby and have no intention of quitting. It feels like I’ll be an outsider in everything I do. Ugh, I’m way too depressed today. I just want to go cry my eyes out, but Shane will think I’m weird.

My pelvis hurts too. Well, there or my lower back, I can’t tell the difference. Hopefully its Whole30 related, and not woman related. I’ve an insane urge to binge today because of anger and anxiety. Its a miracle I haven’t actually…

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5 thoughts on “Whole30, Day 6: Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety – and pelvic pain

  1. I feel exactly the same with regards to feeling useless and shit, like every thing I do wrong at training pisses someone off. Like I wouldn’t be missed if I never went to another training sessions. Like I’m just gonna get replaced once Fresh Meat get to bout level. Like people probably talk about me behind my back. Like people are nice to my face but really can’t stand to be around me.
    I, like you, would usually just run away – quit the job, stop hanging out with those people – but I LOVE derby!
    So I think we both have to man the fuck up and get on with it, use our anxieties as motivation to be awesome.
    A girl on my league (who recently left *sad face*) had a real hard time when she was a Freshie, but it made her stronger, better, harder and faster. She’s a fucking awesome Derby player and a fucking awesome girl too.
    Lets take a leaf out of her book! X

    • Yuppp, that’s exactly how I’m feeling. I feel like Fresh Meat have already replaced me and they’re not starting til Sunday! I really want to channel that girl from your league. But how?! For now lets refuse to quit!

      • I think by just keeping going we’ll get there eventually. Today was the first practice for ages that I really enjoyed so just ploughing on works I think. Hope ur whole30’s going ok! X

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