It’s been a while since I posted. Been a while since I did anything productive actually… Anyway, let me first explain how this post came about. The lovely Leah, over at Just me Leah, wanted to start something to transform how we feel about our bodies. She decided to start the Love EVERY Body challenge. This involves blogging about a certain body part each month.
This month, we write a letter to our bodies. My initial post is in no way body positive. I write my honest opinions and am quite negative actually. However I’m hoping this will change while following the challenge. Here is my letter to my body.
I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye. In fact, I’ve been a bit of a bully to you. Society has blinded me into believing horrible things about you, and I’ve given you horrible names from “The Blob”, to “Fat Useless Piece of Shit”. I’m not writing to say I’ve changed, or that I will – but I need you to know you are not useless, you’re not ugly and that I wish I was never brainwashed into thinking those things.
Firstly I’d like to thank your strength. I haven’t always been strong but you have survived a record-breaking number of falls and accidents, with no broken bones and no torn muscles. Instead I have been left with colourful bruises, which I happily compared with my friends. I love bruises. Each one is like a work of art – no two are the same.
I remember my first tattoo. I got it for a stupid reason – to impress people who no longer matter to me. But you didn’t judge me, and didn’t hold it against me. In fact we felt no pain and healed up really fast, and we felt no irritation afterwards.
I also want to thank you for keeping me alive. I’ve survived two fires, burn free, thanks to your quick reflexes. Not to mention some really painful illnesses, like my kidney infection, my exercise induced heat strokes, and the gastritis that kept me crying in pain for 5 hours in the bus station one night. When we got our IUD, we were able to walk around without complaining right away. That’s strength!
Yet, I still feel ashamed of you. I hate seeing you in the mirror and have resolved to only taking you outdoors when I need to. I can’t go grocery shopping with you because I fear society will judge us. I don’t let you wear all the pretty clothes I want to wear because of our stomach. I’m considering getting it surgically altered. Our thighs rubbing is also upsetting for me. I’m too embarrassed to wear anything that could show that. I even cried upon discovering it. Because others think you should be skinny, you are my worst enemy because you’re not. I always want to change you because I feel I have to.
I want to love you, and I’m willing to learn. That’s why I’m doing this challenge. It is a challenge, but nothing worth having is easy.
I don’t hate everything. I love our hair when its just been dyed, it always looks beautiful and smells lovely. Our eyebrows rarely need waxing since they are almost blonde, and we have big deep eyes (this varies depending on what meds we’re taking though). And I have to admit we have a great rack!!
I hope we can learn to get along.
Your biggest fan (not really),
-Charlene x x
P.S. I’ve attached a photo of us (I just realised I sound like Smeagol). I hate that photo so much…