Letter to my body

LOVE EVERY BODY HEADER

Hey there!

It’s been a while since I posted. Been a while since I did anything productive actually… Anyway, let me first explain how this post came about. The lovely Leah, over at Just me Leah, wanted to start something to transform how we feel about our bodies. She decided to start the Love EVERY BodyΒ challenge. This involves blogging about a certain body part each month.

This month, we write a letter to our bodies. My initial post is in no way body positive. I write my honest opinions and am quite negative actually. However I’m hoping this will change while following the challenge. Here is my letter to my body.

Dear Body,

I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye. In fact, I’ve been a bit of a bully to you. Society has blinded me into believing horrible things about you, and I’ve given you horrible names from “The Blob”, to “Fat Useless Piece of Shit”. I’m not writing to say I’ve changed, or that I will – but I need you to know you are not useless, you’re not ugly and that I wish I was never brainwashed into thinking those things.

Firstly I’d like to thank your strength. I haven’t always been strong but you have survived a record-breaking number of falls and accidents, with no broken bones and no torn muscles. Instead I have been left with colourful bruises, which I happily compared with my friends. I love bruises. Each one is like a work of art – no two are the same.

I remember my first tattoo. I got it for a stupid reason – to impress people who no longer matter to me. But you didn’t judge me, and didn’t hold it against me. In fact we felt no pain and healed up really fast, and we felt no irritation afterwards.

I also want to thank you for keeping me alive. I’ve survived two fires, burn free, thanks to your quick reflexes. Not to mention some really painful illnesses, like my kidney infection, my exercise induced heat strokes, and the gastritis that kept me crying in pain for 5 hours in the bus station one night. When we got our IUD, we were able to walk around without complaining right away. That’s strength!

Yet, I still feel ashamed of you. I hate seeing you in the mirror and have resolved to only taking you outdoors when I need to. I can’t go grocery shopping with you because I fear society will judge us. I don’t let you wear all the pretty clothes I want to wear because of our stomach. I’m considering getting it surgically altered. Our thighs rubbing is also upsetting for me. I’m too embarrassed to wear anything that could show that. I even cried upon discovering it. Because others think you should be skinny, you are my worst enemy because you’re not. I always want to change you because I feel I have to.

I want to love you, and I’m willing to learn. That’s why I’m doing this challenge. It is a challenge, but nothing worth having is easy.

I don’t hate everything. I love our hair when its just been dyed, it always looks beautiful and smells lovely. Our eyebrows rarely need waxing since they are almost blonde, and we have big deep eyes (this varies depending on what meds we’re taking though). And I have to admit we have a great rack!!

I hope we can learn to get along.

Your biggest fan (not really),

-Charlene x x

P.S. I’ve attached a photo of us (I just realised I sound like Smeagol). I hate that photo so much…Β 

Capture

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28 thoughts on “Letter to my body

  1. I discovered this through the challenge. Thank you for sharing.

    Please don’t call yourself horrible names, you’re beautiful. Such an amazing smile.

    I want to tell you to wear everything that you want to wear, to ignore people who judge you, people who judge generally feel so bad about themselves that they’re envious of others who dare to be themselves. I promise you that you’ll feel happier in clothes that you enjoy.

    Please don’t alter yourself. Change because you want to, not because others make you feel you have to!

    Giant hugs & I look forward to reading more from you

    • Thank you!

      Insecure people can be horrible. They can say something nasty and not realize how much it affects the recipient. They don’t even think about it. Yet the victim never forgets.

      Also people who bash people’s appearances remind me of the Nazi’s. They’re not much different if you think about it.

      Thanks so much for your message. πŸ™‚

  2. Oh Charlene, you are so pretty! It sounds like you have an amazing, strong body but have been made to feel crap about it because it doesn’t fit the narrow requirements society dictates as ‘attractive’. From your photo I see a fun-loving, vivacious, attractive woman and you look like you’re a hoot, too. I hope this challenge helps you see what I see when I look at you – a bona fide fittie. x x x

  3. Funny that after reading your hartbreaking letter, I look at your photo and only see a fun-loving beautiful woman. I truly hope this challenge helps you see that too next time you look at it.
    Btw, I like bruises too -I donΒ΄t get them too aften b/c my skin is pretty dark, but the ones that come through are really a work of art.

    • People close to me started obsessively mentioning diets and sharing my “skinny photos”, after seeing that photo – so it was a huge blow to my confidence. Grrr, I hate being a disappointment. The fact my weight is so important to others angers me!
      Its great to hear from someone else who appreciates bruises! πŸ™‚

  4. Hi Charlene, I came across your blog as I am doing Love EVERY Body too πŸ™‚ I hope that you will gain more body confidence as we all embark on this journey together. You certainly look like a beautiful, happy woman to me…with a great rack πŸ˜‰ x

  5. Wonderful post. I love your honesty and thoughts. You look wonderful, outgoing, fun and beautiful in the photo. I love a lady who isn’t afraid to stand out in the world and you do, for all the right reasons!

    Something I’ve noticed from all the blogs I’ve read so far, is that it seems to be other peoples expectations of us that make us feel how we do. How monumentally shite! That little snippet in itself is helpful to me in changing who I see in the mirror.

    Great blog. Look forward to following your journey. x

    • Thank you for your lovely comment! πŸ™‚

      Outgoing and not afraid to stand out? I think you’re thinking of someone else! I’m extremely shy and try hard to not be noticed in public. πŸ˜›

      I know what you mean about others making us feel like crap. Even if they care they are still hurting us with their comments. I’ve lost faith in humanity!

  6. Love your emotional letter. I’m curious about the changes you’ll make during this. Tell those people that they should stop being that bully if they care about YOU as much as they care about your weight.

  7. Charlene,
    I am also taking part in this challenge, so I applaud your bravery. I also want to let you know that you are awesome and amazingly beautiful! Don’t worry about what anyone else says about your weight or appearance, that says more about them than you. It’s their own problem to deal with. πŸ™‚ You just keep rockin’ what yo’ mama gave you!

    • What a lovely comment! πŸ™‚ Ugh it annoys me though. A certain family member keeps saying she’s worried about my heart. I wish she’d realize that her worried comments are a lot more likely to kill me!

  8. Hey girll I’m taking part too and I’m so glad to be part of this workshop!!

    Your colourful bruises remind me of my 3Dimensional stretchmarks. Every single one of them are unique! I hope this journey/challenge brings us all confidence xo

  9. Wow I can identify with so much of this – you look lovely though – and yeah, what a great rack! I’ve gone through shedloads of talc some summers to stop my thighs rubbing – maybe I should have bought shares in it πŸ˜‰ Hopefully by the end of these workshops you will feel a lot more positive and comfortable with yourself x

  10. Pingback: Wisdom Wednesday: Love Letter to Myself | my chronic life journey

  11. You’re a beautiful girl with a lovely smile. πŸ™‚ And I love that red hair! πŸ™‚ You have been very brave and I hope you find what you hope to find through this amazing workshop. πŸ™‚ xx

  12. What a powerful letter! I really love this and itself is beautiful! We are pretty alike. Congrats for taking this step in learning to love your body Smeagol errrr I mean Charlene πŸ˜‰

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